The City

Two weeks have passed since I returned to Atlanta from NYC. The city is still with me. Atlanta feels more small town home familiar. Now I notice that when I walk through any part of Atlanta I almost always run into a friend or someone familiar. I cannot be here and be inconspicuous. However, a person could disappear in NYC – A person could reinvent themselves continuously in NYC and none would be the wiser.

I do not know if I want this sort of existence. NYC was remarkably lonely, but I felt so alive. I do know that I cannot continue to exist in the familiar. NYC affirmed this.

Holidays

The holidays are over and I could not be happier about it. I feel uneasy spending so much time away from my work. I’ll be in the studio again next week – Thank Goodness.

However, spending time in Virginia, Asheville, and South Carolina country was a worthy experience. There is something to be gained from every exchange in the that wider world beyond my work and self. Family and friends do much to make me feel human – grounded. 

Most importantly, Daddy got me my very own cordless drill – 24 v – I am a free woman now baby!

Here’s to a New Year.

Crutches

Crutches in my art have been conceptualism as a method of control, the image as a form of inspiration, realism as a medium for communication, and painting as a means of validation as an artist. In my current work I did not have a fully conceptualized plan before I started, and this has allowed me to create intuitively (from mark to mark). I have not been painting from a photograph or preconceived image, and so I have been able to create something wholly from myself. Not working from an image or with a specific visual goal in mind has kept me from clinging to realism as a means of communicating with my viewer. Also, I am beginning to embrace performance and poetry as a part of my work. I no longer allow myself to be boxed into the identity of Painter as it is not true to my person, and is entirely too safe. I am so excited to see the changes happening in my work, and feel as though I am on the brink of something beautiful.

Artist’s block

When I want to create something, I simply begin to make in what ever form I am able to at the moment. I constantly challenge myself to trust in myself, or rather to trust that what I am making will come full circle with what I want to be making. I am also incredibly conceptual and grounded in the theory of my work and process, so I can often logic my way through things. The ability to reason and the ability to feel are both powerful tools, and so I use them both. If one is not working for me I use the other. If I feel blocked, I think up a bridge to get over the wall. If nothing that I’m doing makes any rational sense, I trust my senses and feel my way through.

words and self portraiture

Please understand 

That I am dumbfounded -  accustomed to 

library book on reserve

Turn my pages, but never take me home with you

Read my thoughts, but only skim the surface

A hundred times intriguing, but too serious too commit to.

Require people to think when they are dying to be fed

 

You hold my spine as though you cannot put me down.

Ask questions in my margins

Turn my pages slowly to make me last.

Forgive me, I am afraid of

Loosing my permanent place on the shelf

poetry workshop

Workshop: The character, exploring, using, and creating other identities.

Visiting Writer: Joanna Hoffman, Brookyln,  NYU ’09, MPA: Public Policy and Non-Profit Management (International), Slam Poet, Activist

Joanna gave us the phrase: “When I woke up this morning . . . ,” and then asked us to put ourselves into the shoes of a famous person and imagine what their words/experience would be. I, of course, chose Elizabeth Murray. Joanna gave us 5 minutes to write. This is what came.

 When I woke up this morning, I knew the largest shape would have to be green.

The plum-red was too dramatic, too typical – too easy.

Nothing else would go with green

I would have to start from square-one

Reshape the entire surface

Create each new form in response 

 I hated the idea, but it was right.

Hard, but the decision that would go some where.

Green, four feet and curving wide through the chaos

It would make sense of it all.

 The first mark I made this morning was the most difficult,

And it was the boldest. 

I am so clearly referencing Murray’s process. In her writing, she speaks of how she knew she was going somewhere with a painting when she began to feel uncertain about it – when she began to take risks. My choosing her  to write about speaks to how I am channeling her creative process in my painting right now.

Performance Sketches

This feels very rough. I haven’t clicked on what it means to make performance art, and what I am doing now feels too self aware. For the moment it is hard for me to believe that I should be focusing on performance. Regardless, I’ve posted about 5 minutes of edited speaking. Check it out. I am very interested in the pairing of my voice with the shadow.

I’m thinking about people’s stories, my own story, and about how much richness is there. I want to paint the truth, and to eliminate any facade/screen between the truth, the painting, and the viewer.